Do You Actually Need a Divorce Coach? An Honest Answer from Someone Who's Been Through It

If you are thinking about hiring a divorce coach, read this first. An honest look at what you actually need when divorce hits hardest, from someone who has been through it.

The Moment Everything Changed

My solicitor looked at me across the desk and said it was probably going to be 70/30.

Not in my favour.

I remember the exact feeling. Gut punch. End of the world. What's the point. I'm f@@ked. This is so unfair.

In that moment, I nearly gave up. Not on the divorce, on the whole thing. On fighting for what was fair, on staying clear-headed, on being the man my kids needed me to be. The chimp had taken over completely and he was pointing at the exit.

That moment cost me nothing in the end. Because I didn't act on it.

But I nearly did. And if I had, it would have cost me everything.

The Thing Nobody Tells You About Divorce

When you're in it, really in it, you will have moments like that. Moments where the information you've just received is so overwhelming that your brain stops working properly.

That's not weakness. That's biology. Your nervous system is flooded. Your prefrontal cortex, the part that makes good decisions, has gone offline. What's left is pure survival instinct.

And pure survival instinct makes terrible decisions in a solicitor's office.

This is why men come out of divorce having agreed to things they didn't need to agree to, having fought battles that weren't worth fighting, having burned relationships with their kids in the process. Not because they're stupid. Because nobody gave them a framework for those moments.

So Do You Need a Divorce Coach?

Honestly? Maybe. Maybe not.

I'll be straight with you. I have a general disdain for life coaches who have read all the books but never actually lived the thing they're coaching. Coaching someone through divorce when you've never been through it yourself is a bit like a personal trainer who's never lifted a weight telling you how to deadlift. The theory might be right. But there's something missing.

That said, I could be wrong. If you find the right person, with real lived experience and genuine skill, coaching can absolutely help. For some men it's exactly what they need.

But before you spend money on anything, here's what I'd actually consider first.

Three Things to Think About Before Hiring a Divorce Coach

1. What do you actually need right now?

Most men don't need someone to talk to by the hour. They need a framework. Something that helps them understand what's happening to them psychologically, make better decisions under pressure, and avoid the mistakes that cost the most. Financially, legally, and with their kids.

A good framework doesn't require weekly sessions. It requires understanding. Once you've got it, you use it. That's very different from ongoing coaching dependency.

2. Does the person have lived experience?

If you're going to invest in coaching, ask one question before anything else: have you been through this yourself?

Not "have you worked with men in this situation." Have you been in it. Have you sat across a solicitor's desk and felt the floor fall away. Have you had to make a major financial decision while your nervous system was on fire.

If the answer is no, think carefully.

3. Have you started with the basics first?

Before you pay for anything, make sure you understand the psychological and practical foundations of what you're going through. What's happening in your brain and body. What the process actually looks like. What decisions matter most in the first few weeks and which ones to slow down on.

That's information you can get for free. And it's the information that would have saved me from nearly walking away in that solicitor's office.

What I Built Instead

After that 70/30 moment, I didn't hire a coach. I built a framework.

Not because coaching is worthless. Because what I needed wasn't someone to talk to. I needed to understand what was happening to me and why. I needed to know how to recognise the moments when my chimp was in the driving seat and get him back in his box before I opened my mouth or signed anything.

I needed a map.

That framework is what Divorce Strength is built on. And I've put the foundations of it into a free 30-minute masterclass. The thing I wish someone had handed me on day one.

It won't replace a good solicitor. It won't replace therapy if that's what you need. And it won't replace a good coach if you find the right one.

But it's the starting point. Before you spend money on anything else, understand what's actually happening to you. Make one good decision from a clear head.

That's what the masterclass is for.